Content Warning: This article discusses domestic abuse, child sexual exploitation, and technology-facilitated abuse. If you need support, contact the 24/7 Domestic & Sexual Abuse Helpline on 0808 802 1414.
Your phone battery drains fast. Your partner somehow knows where you’ve been, even when you didn’t tell them. Your computer freezes constantly, but only when you’re trying to access support services. Strange apps appear on your devices that you don’t remember downloading. This may not be a technical issue it could be tech sabotage, a form of abuse that weaponises technology.
In domestic abuse situations, perpetrators increasingly use technology as a tool of control, surveillance, and intimidation. What once required physical presence can now be accomplished remotely through smartphones, tablets, computers, and smart home devices.
Tech sabotage in domestic abuse takes many forms. Abusers may install spyware or stalkerware apps that track location, monitor messages, record phone calls, and access photos all without the victim’s knowledge. They might demand passwords and PINs, insisting that “couples shouldn’t have secrets,” creating a digital cage where every online action is monitored. Some control smart home devices—thermostats, locks, lights, and cameras—to create an atmosphere of constant surveillance and unpredictability.
The psychological impact is devastating. Survivors have reported feeling that they can never escape their abuser’s watchful eye, leading to hypervigilance, anxiety, and a loss of autonomy.
Child Sexual Exploitation
Technology has also transformed how perpetrators target children. Child sexual exploitation (CSE) increasingly begins in digital spaces where predators can access, groom, and manipulate young people.
Online grooming typically follows a pattern. Perpetrators befriend children on social media, gaming platforms, or apps, often posing as peers. They build trust through attention and compliments. Gradually, conversations become sexualised. The abuser may request intimate images, which then become tools for blackmail and further exploitation. Threats to share these images with family, friends, or schools trap children in cycles of abuse.
Tech sabotage in CSE contexts includes perpetrators installing monitoring software on children’s devices, not for safety but for exploitation. They may create fake profiles to befriend the child’s peers, gathering information to make grooming more effective. Some use technology to coordinate meetings or to share exploitative material within networks of offenders.
The secretive nature of digital communication makes CSE particularly difficult to detect. Children may not recognise they’re being groomed, especially when abusers normalise inappropriate behaviour or convince them that what’s happening is a “relationship.” Shame, fear of getting in trouble, or threats keep many children silent.
For children, warning signs include secretive behaviour around devices, receiving gifts or money from unknown sources, possessing new devices they can’t explain, withdrawal from family and friends, or sexualised behaviour or language inappropriate for their age.
When Domestic abuse involves children
When domestic abuse and CSE intersect through technology, the harm multiplies. Abusive partners may use children’s devices to monitor a survivor’s activities. They might coerce children into spying on the non-abusive parent or use threats against children to control a partner’s behaviour. In some cases, abusers share intimate images of their partners with children as a form of psychological abuse or expose
If you suspect tech sabotage in a domestic abuse situation, prioritise safety first. Don’t immediately remove suspicious apps or change passwords, as this may alert the abuser and escalate danger. Instead, use a trusted device your abuser doesn’t have access to when seeking help or researching options. Document evidence carefully by taking photos of suspicious apps or settings on a separate device. When you’re ready to leave or take action, consider getting a new phone and number, and perform factory resets on devices you keep.
For parents concerned about CSE, maintain open, non-judgemental communication with children about online activity. Use parental controls appropriately, being transparent with children about monitoring for safety rather than control. Educate children about healthy online relationships and encourage them to speak up if something feels wrong.
Moving Forward
Technology should enhance our lives and relationships, not endanger them. Tech sabotage—whether in domestic abuse or child sexual exploitation—represents a profound violation of trust, safety, and autonomy. By understanding how technology can be weaponised, recognising the signs, and knowing where to find support, we can reclaim digital spaces as tools of connection rather than control.
If you or someone you know is experiencing technology-facilitated abuse, help is available.
Get Help Now
Nexus NI
Nexusni.org
24/7 Domestic & Sexual Abuse Helpline: 0808 802 1414
PSNI Non-Emergency: 101
Emergency: 999
Childline: 0800 1111
Safety Notice: If someone is monitoring your device, use private browsing or access support from a safe location.
Published by Nexus NI as part of our commitment to raising awareness about technology-facilitated abuse.
